New Venue, Old News

Yesterday, I did something new. I joined, for lack of a better word, an online spiritual community. I had been lurking there for months, just reading the posts, never commenting. This community is quite active, in fact, a post from about 5 days ago generated almost 600 comments already. Not 600 different people, just a lot of posts. The theme of the topic was "Truce" and it was an effort to bring together a few different faction groups that post there regularly and sometimes duke it out. The topics are quite diverse and there seems to be a turn away (lately) from spiritual slamming to a more respectful dialog. That's why I think it's a good time for me to jump in. I was thoroughly welcomed and my little initial post and follow-up posts generated some good conversation.

The blog has a weekly feature called "City of Refuge" and this is it's stated purpose:
"This is the weekly place for those who have been victims of abusive churches to share their stories within a community of wounded healers...
We come from a variety of back grounds and experiences, but most of us have travelled the road you're on, many of us are still traveling it."
Although I do not consider myself to be a "victim" of an abusive church, I have felt the sting of it and have heard far too many stories the last several years that make my passion for this issue inescapable. More than anything, I never want myself or anyone in leadership at San Damiano ever to be, as my friend John Setser calls them, "wounding agents."

When I was a kid, nobody ever talked about abuse, of any kind, ever. It was the dirty little secret of far too many families; Dad (not my Dad, I'm just generalizing) would get pissed up after work, come home, verbally demean, swear at or beat the shit out of someone in the family, pass out and no one would dare ever speak a word of it to anyone. Even if they did, the likelihood of intervention would be almost nil. Well, as usual, the church is about 20 years behind the curve. Spiritual abuse happens when men (and I am being gender specific on purpose) who are in charge of churches, manage the house of God by holding tightly to their illusion of power and control, tell people where they're screwing up, tell them how shameful it is that they're screwing up, then offer no empathy or compassion for their empty souls. Instead, people are told that they are no longer equipped to lead or serve. They are told, in some cases, that a public confession of their misdeeds is the only path of reconciliation, redemption and restoration. Repentance is a process that only the godly elders can discern when completed. Worst of all, when they question the authority of the leadership, they are called, disobedient, difficult, divisive or disrespectful... and those are only words that start with the letter "d"! If the "sinning unit" (as opposed to when churches call their financial supporters "giving units") is a woman and sexuality is involved, they are usually called a "harlot." This type of behavior is no different than the drunk old man harming his family. It is wrong and needs to stop.

Which makes me suspect that meaningful intervention on the part of a church leader or Pastor will be a bit of an uphill journey. Trust has been broken and we are just now beginning acknowledge and understand the depths of the wounds.

So, there you have it... my first blog entry that may be a bit edgy. I might get in a little trouble with this one, you never really know who reads these things, remember, I lurked for a loooonnnngggg time before I jumped in!

If you are interested in checking out the site I joined, just ask. I don't feel comfortable yet sharing it here and I use a pseudonym there. You'll know who I am though, it'll be pretty easy to figure that out once you visit.