Yesterday, I did something new. I joined, for lack of a better word, an online spiritual community. I had been lurking there for months, just reading the posts, never commenting. This community is quite active, in fact, a post from about 5 days ago generated almost 600 comments already. Not 600 different people, just a lot of posts. The theme of the topic was "Truce" and it was an effort to bring together a few different faction groups that post there regularly and sometimes duke it out. The topics are quite diverse and there seems to be a turn away (lately) from spiritual slamming to a more respectful dialog. That's why I think it's a good time for me to jump in. I was thoroughly welcomed and my little initial post and follow-up posts generated some good conversation.
The blog has a weekly feature called "City of Refuge" and this is it's stated purpose:
"This is the weekly place for those who have been victims of abusive churches to share their stories within a community of wounded healers...
We come from a variety of back grounds and experiences, but most of us have travelled the road you're on, many of us are still traveling it."
Although I do not consider myself to be a "victim" of an abusive church, I have felt the sting of it and have heard far too many stories the last several years that make my passion for this issue inescapable. More than anything, I never want myself or anyone in leadership at San Damiano ever to be, as my friend John Setser calls them, "wounding agents."
When I was a kid, nobody ever talked about abuse, of any kind, ever. It was the dirty little secret of far too many families; Dad (not my Dad, I'm just generalizing) would get pissed up after work, come home, verbally demean, swear at or beat the shit out of someone in the family, pass out and no one would dare ever speak a word of it to anyone. Even if they did, the likelihood of intervention would be almost nil. Well, as usual, the church is about 20 years behind the curve. Spiritual abuse happens when men (and I am being gender specific on purpose) who are in charge of churches, manage the house of God by holding tightly to their illusion of power and control, tell people where they're screwing up, tell them how shameful it is that they're screwing up, then offer no empathy or compassion for their empty souls. Instead, people are told that they are no longer equipped to lead or serve. They are told, in some cases, that a public confession of their misdeeds is the only path of reconciliation, redemption and restoration. Repentance is a process that only the godly elders can discern when completed. Worst of all, when they question the authority of the leadership, they are called, disobedient, difficult, divisive or disrespectful... and those are only words that start with the letter "d"! If the "sinning unit" (as opposed to when churches call their financial supporters "giving units") is a woman and sexuality is involved, they are usually called a "harlot." This type of behavior is no different than the drunk old man harming his family. It is wrong and needs to stop.
Which makes me suspect that meaningful intervention on the part of a church leader or Pastor will be a bit of an uphill journey. Trust has been broken and we are just now beginning acknowledge and understand the depths of the wounds.
So, there you have it... my first blog entry that may be a bit edgy. I might get in a little trouble with this one, you never really know who reads these things, remember, I lurked for a loooonnnngggg time before I jumped in!
If you are interested in checking out the site I joined, just ask. I don't feel comfortable yet sharing it here and I use a pseudonym there. You'll know who I am though, it'll be pretty easy to figure that out once you visit.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Name Dropper... that's what I'm about this time!
I really like this thing, but I often seem to neglect the things I like, in favor of shiny things that capture my attention. My friend Cathy Stratton (first name-drop, many more famous ones to come) wrote me a comment saying that I have to keep this blog more up to date, so here's my week at a glance:
*Sunday night we were able to take some family pictures with our good friend, Dave Jackson. Dave not only makes you look good, he also can make you look "badass". This is what he did with us! A sample of his photos are up on his photoblog. Just go to www.davidejackson.com and you'll find a link to his blog. Thanks Dave, you are terrific.
*On Monday and Tuesday we went to Mt. Olympus WaterPark in the Dells. It was quite the time. Mt. Oly has both water slides and thrill rides. My favorite was the go-carts. Most of my boys liked the rollercoaster called "Hades". It was a continuation, I guess, of the photo shoot!
*On Wednesday, I was able to get together with an old friend from the Willow Creek days, Troy Murphy. Troy and I never served at Willow the same time, but we've known about each other and met several times in the past. We have many mutual friends, which made our time fly by really quickly. Troy is an extremely gifted and natural leader. He has had the opportunity to work with the Packers as a chaplain over the last few years and I believe that they couldn't have a better guy to be encouraging Aaron Rodgers during the "Brett Favre Crisis of '08". I'm guessing that Troy will pay a visit to San Damiano soon. He may be an amazing piece of the little leadership puzzle that we're trying to do at SD. Perhaps some of his outside eyes and experience will be very helpful.
*I don't think a hasty blog entry could do justice to the beautiful thing I witnessed this morning on a backyard patio in Little Chute. A former student of mine, Alan, called me earlier this week to ask if I would officiate a memorial service for his Grandmother, who passed away in the UK at 90 on Saturday. Grandma had insisted that no one travel from America to attend her funeral when she passed. "Too much money spent to see me when I'll already be gone!" she said a few years ago, so the stateside folks (all 6 of them) honored her wishes and we had our patio service at the same time she had her funeral in England. I had performed Alan's (and Sara's) wedding last year, so the family knew me and it was quite an honor to serve them in this way. I remember as a teenager, Alan shared his desire to be closer to his father. I remembered that his dad was kind of "old school" and never grew up in a home where emotions were shared easily. During our service today, I watched with great joy as Alan's dad, Vince, gave us a picture tour of his family, spoke of two of his brothers who had passed on shared his heart and emotions and most of all, regularly got up out of his chair and comforted his Son, Daughter and Daughter-in-law. I love it when someone from the older generation begins to grow and change in an area that was so foreign to their upbringing. I consider it the greatest and most sacred trust when a family invites me "in" to their family to be a part of a wedding or funeral. I hope I never get calloused to other people's pain and joy. Sharing in these moments teach me so much about the true condition of the human heart. God has been so good to me, to show me these precious snapshots. The day was rounded out by spending time with Rick Setser at the Wooden Nickel (which, by the way, has a buffalo nickel as their logo), Jason Wiggins at the Fox Valley Thrift Store and then, impromptuly, at St. Vini DePaul with Dan Hintz.
*The night has come to close with the news of the arrival of Owen William Ryan, the Grandson of Julie's Aunt and Uncle, Chris and Steve Matthias. Owen's Mom, Emily Ryan is Julie's cousin and her husband is Will. Owen's other Grandparents are Bo and Kelly Ryan. In case you didn't catch the last name-drop of the evening, Bo is the head coach of the Wisconsin Badgers Basketball team. Really, I could drop a few more, but I don't want to push my luck! Goodnight.
*Sunday night we were able to take some family pictures with our good friend, Dave Jackson. Dave not only makes you look good, he also can make you look "badass". This is what he did with us! A sample of his photos are up on his photoblog. Just go to www.davidejackson.com and you'll find a link to his blog. Thanks Dave, you are terrific.
*On Monday and Tuesday we went to Mt. Olympus WaterPark in the Dells. It was quite the time. Mt. Oly has both water slides and thrill rides. My favorite was the go-carts. Most of my boys liked the rollercoaster called "Hades". It was a continuation, I guess, of the photo shoot!
*On Wednesday, I was able to get together with an old friend from the Willow Creek days, Troy Murphy. Troy and I never served at Willow the same time, but we've known about each other and met several times in the past. We have many mutual friends, which made our time fly by really quickly. Troy is an extremely gifted and natural leader. He has had the opportunity to work with the Packers as a chaplain over the last few years and I believe that they couldn't have a better guy to be encouraging Aaron Rodgers during the "Brett Favre Crisis of '08". I'm guessing that Troy will pay a visit to San Damiano soon. He may be an amazing piece of the little leadership puzzle that we're trying to do at SD. Perhaps some of his outside eyes and experience will be very helpful.
*I don't think a hasty blog entry could do justice to the beautiful thing I witnessed this morning on a backyard patio in Little Chute. A former student of mine, Alan, called me earlier this week to ask if I would officiate a memorial service for his Grandmother, who passed away in the UK at 90 on Saturday. Grandma had insisted that no one travel from America to attend her funeral when she passed. "Too much money spent to see me when I'll already be gone!" she said a few years ago, so the stateside folks (all 6 of them) honored her wishes and we had our patio service at the same time she had her funeral in England. I had performed Alan's (and Sara's) wedding last year, so the family knew me and it was quite an honor to serve them in this way. I remember as a teenager, Alan shared his desire to be closer to his father. I remembered that his dad was kind of "old school" and never grew up in a home where emotions were shared easily. During our service today, I watched with great joy as Alan's dad, Vince, gave us a picture tour of his family, spoke of two of his brothers who had passed on shared his heart and emotions and most of all, regularly got up out of his chair and comforted his Son, Daughter and Daughter-in-law. I love it when someone from the older generation begins to grow and change in an area that was so foreign to their upbringing. I consider it the greatest and most sacred trust when a family invites me "in" to their family to be a part of a wedding or funeral. I hope I never get calloused to other people's pain and joy. Sharing in these moments teach me so much about the true condition of the human heart. God has been so good to me, to show me these precious snapshots. The day was rounded out by spending time with Rick Setser at the Wooden Nickel (which, by the way, has a buffalo nickel as their logo), Jason Wiggins at the Fox Valley Thrift Store and then, impromptuly, at St. Vini DePaul with Dan Hintz.
*The night has come to close with the news of the arrival of Owen William Ryan, the Grandson of Julie's Aunt and Uncle, Chris and Steve Matthias. Owen's Mom, Emily Ryan is Julie's cousin and her husband is Will. Owen's other Grandparents are Bo and Kelly Ryan. In case you didn't catch the last name-drop of the evening, Bo is the head coach of the Wisconsin Badgers Basketball team. Really, I could drop a few more, but I don't want to push my luck! Goodnight.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I just got home, wrote this last night.
Mon. June 30, 2008
I’m writing this entry from our family cottage, on the northwest shore of Teal Lake near Hayward, WI. There is no internet or even cell phone coverage within a half an hour, so I’m writing this and I’ll post it when I can. You know when you see those coverage maps or red dots on a map showing all the great places that you’ll be “covered”, well Teal Lake is one of those areas that is just always white! The truth is, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This has been a great little trip. I wish we weren’t heading home tomorrow afternoon but one of the younglings that Luke brought, Dakota (Lizardo) really wants to go to his last day of summer school on Wednesday morning and I promised I’d get him home for it. We got to the cottage about 8:00 PM on Sunday, took the cover off the pontoon boat and went for a ride around the lake. Teal has six islands on it and on the shore of one of them, Raspberry, there was a gorgeous eagle perched pretty low in a tree that we floated fairly close to. As he flew off (due to our gawking) his silhouette against the setting sun and purple sky looked like a picture from a postcard. It brought me great joy when I heard Luke’s other buddy, Sam, describe the exact scene to his mother later that night on the phone and sum it up by saying “it was like the ending of a movie, mom.”
After our ride, we took Little Tate (Thompson) to his skate camp, Lake Owen, which only about twenty minutes from here, in a town called Cable, Where they have a famous cross country ski race, the Birkebiner and a nearly equally favorite mountain bike ride, called “The Fat Tire”. Little Tate’s dad, Tim had called me early yesterday morning to see if we’d bring him with us, because he was a little under the weather and had missed his ride. At Lake Owen, I bumped into a former student of mine, Kaeley, who works there for the summers. I had no idea... and she was even more shocked to see me there. She said she couldn’t believe her eyes, but as soon as she heard me, she new it was me. I get that all the time, I really should make some cash doing some vocal work, or maybe I’ll become a singer. My nephew, Jens, really loved the place, so maybe he’ll be able to come to the camp next year, when he makes his annual pilgrimage from Texas to visit us. Yeah, I could drop him off at the camp and then I’ll sing at the bowling alley all that week.
This morning, I set my alarm for 4:45 to get the boys up and go on an Elk sighting trip. About twelve years ago the DNR reintroduced a small herd to an area near Clam Lake. They have done great, the herd has grown and so has the area that they claim as their territory, which is now within about two miles from Teal Lake. It took about 15 minutes, but we saw our first one, a young bull, all by himself, standing in the middle of highway 77. He looked at us for a while and then took off. A little further up the road toward Clam Lake, we happened upon a group of seven of them, a few bulls in that group, too. I decided to go a little bit past Clam Lake and we were rewarded by seeing a pretty good sized Black Bear! I love to be a wildlife guide.
We all took, a little nap after our Elk-venture, had a big “second breakfast” of eggs and Nueske’s bacon... if you’ve never had Nueske’s, well, it’s about as special as it gets. Working on a sponsorship deal. I’ll wear one of their shirts when I sing at the bowling alley.
The afternoon/evening activities consisted of some tree-climbing, red rider shooting, adventuring and fishing on another one of the great islands, McKnot. We grilled some hamburgers, hot dogs, beans and “teal lake” potatoes over an open fire, followed up with some s’mores... which is, of course, redundant. Get it? During the meal, I told the boys about the legendary Mr. McKnot, who, we were told as youngsters, discovered the lakes in this area. We also believed that this island was where he used to camp out. I’m pretty sure my brother and I made up that part of the legend. Tate (big Tate Sampson), thought that “Mr. McKnot“ would be a great anti-drug character to go speak in schools. I agreed and thought that he could go with “Mr. McDoo” to show what might happen if bad choices were made. Maybe I’ll develop that as a way to make some extra cash when the bowling alley gig doesn’t pan out.
We ended the night with one of my ridiculously made up bed-time stories. I had never made one up that included Musky, Elk and an environmentally-friendly NASCAR race called the “Elkianapolis 500”, but it turned out pretty good.
I’ll close this post with an ‘animals we’ve seen’ tally from the last 24 hours:
Dozens of Whitetail Deer
A dozen Fish
8 Elk
half a dozen Eagles
3 Foxes
2 Wild Turkeys
2 Loons (one really close up, like 10 feet close)
Ducks
Great Blue Herons
1 huge Turtle (the size of one of those temporary spare tires)
1 Black Bear
1 really, really stinky Puggle (I’d be glad to tell you the story of the really, really stinky Puggle, but I’m too tired and as my friend Brad Knapp says, “always leave ‘em hungry for something more.” Goodnight.)
I’m writing this entry from our family cottage, on the northwest shore of Teal Lake near Hayward, WI. There is no internet or even cell phone coverage within a half an hour, so I’m writing this and I’ll post it when I can. You know when you see those coverage maps or red dots on a map showing all the great places that you’ll be “covered”, well Teal Lake is one of those areas that is just always white! The truth is, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This has been a great little trip. I wish we weren’t heading home tomorrow afternoon but one of the younglings that Luke brought, Dakota (Lizardo) really wants to go to his last day of summer school on Wednesday morning and I promised I’d get him home for it. We got to the cottage about 8:00 PM on Sunday, took the cover off the pontoon boat and went for a ride around the lake. Teal has six islands on it and on the shore of one of them, Raspberry, there was a gorgeous eagle perched pretty low in a tree that we floated fairly close to. As he flew off (due to our gawking) his silhouette against the setting sun and purple sky looked like a picture from a postcard. It brought me great joy when I heard Luke’s other buddy, Sam, describe the exact scene to his mother later that night on the phone and sum it up by saying “it was like the ending of a movie, mom.”
After our ride, we took Little Tate (Thompson) to his skate camp, Lake Owen, which only about twenty minutes from here, in a town called Cable, Where they have a famous cross country ski race, the Birkebiner and a nearly equally favorite mountain bike ride, called “The Fat Tire”. Little Tate’s dad, Tim had called me early yesterday morning to see if we’d bring him with us, because he was a little under the weather and had missed his ride. At Lake Owen, I bumped into a former student of mine, Kaeley, who works there for the summers. I had no idea... and she was even more shocked to see me there. She said she couldn’t believe her eyes, but as soon as she heard me, she new it was me. I get that all the time, I really should make some cash doing some vocal work, or maybe I’ll become a singer. My nephew, Jens, really loved the place, so maybe he’ll be able to come to the camp next year, when he makes his annual pilgrimage from Texas to visit us. Yeah, I could drop him off at the camp and then I’ll sing at the bowling alley all that week.
This morning, I set my alarm for 4:45 to get the boys up and go on an Elk sighting trip. About twelve years ago the DNR reintroduced a small herd to an area near Clam Lake. They have done great, the herd has grown and so has the area that they claim as their territory, which is now within about two miles from Teal Lake. It took about 15 minutes, but we saw our first one, a young bull, all by himself, standing in the middle of highway 77. He looked at us for a while and then took off. A little further up the road toward Clam Lake, we happened upon a group of seven of them, a few bulls in that group, too. I decided to go a little bit past Clam Lake and we were rewarded by seeing a pretty good sized Black Bear! I love to be a wildlife guide.
We all took, a little nap after our Elk-venture, had a big “second breakfast” of eggs and Nueske’s bacon... if you’ve never had Nueske’s, well, it’s about as special as it gets. Working on a sponsorship deal. I’ll wear one of their shirts when I sing at the bowling alley.
The afternoon/evening activities consisted of some tree-climbing, red rider shooting, adventuring and fishing on another one of the great islands, McKnot. We grilled some hamburgers, hot dogs, beans and “teal lake” potatoes over an open fire, followed up with some s’mores... which is, of course, redundant. Get it? During the meal, I told the boys about the legendary Mr. McKnot, who, we were told as youngsters, discovered the lakes in this area. We also believed that this island was where he used to camp out. I’m pretty sure my brother and I made up that part of the legend. Tate (big Tate Sampson), thought that “Mr. McKnot“ would be a great anti-drug character to go speak in schools. I agreed and thought that he could go with “Mr. McDoo” to show what might happen if bad choices were made. Maybe I’ll develop that as a way to make some extra cash when the bowling alley gig doesn’t pan out.
We ended the night with one of my ridiculously made up bed-time stories. I had never made one up that included Musky, Elk and an environmentally-friendly NASCAR race called the “Elkianapolis 500”, but it turned out pretty good.
I’ll close this post with an ‘animals we’ve seen’ tally from the last 24 hours:
Dozens of Whitetail Deer
A dozen Fish
8 Elk
half a dozen Eagles
3 Foxes
2 Wild Turkeys
2 Loons (one really close up, like 10 feet close)
Ducks
Great Blue Herons
1 huge Turtle (the size of one of those temporary spare tires)
1 Black Bear
1 really, really stinky Puggle (I’d be glad to tell you the story of the really, really stinky Puggle, but I’m too tired and as my friend Brad Knapp says, “always leave ‘em hungry for something more.” Goodnight.)
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Backwards, Forward.
This has been a great week. It's late and I'm pretty much done with my church stuff, but I want to log in before I go away for a few days.
This week an old friend, Mary Armas Quillin, started a facebook group for a ministry that we were a part of back in the late 70's and early 80's. It should be noted that Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington Illinois was born out of a Youth Group known as "Son City". It's a long story, but easily verifiable when you do a search of Willow's history. At any rate, Mary started a Son City Alumni group and was gracious enough to make me the first "officer" of the group. The group has grown like wildfire the first few days and we already have 70 members, I'm sure much more very soon. It has been so great to connect with old friends and find out what some of them are up to today. Most of all, I think that many of us are truly feeling again that return of the "joy of salvation". I'll be thinking of this group often while I take Luke and a few of his buddies to Hayward for his birthday trip. I'll probably be wondering who else will join and who I'll get to be reconnected with when I get home. That's the "backwards" part.
The "forward" of this is that I began to think a few days ago about this little trip with the boys and really felt as though I needed to really live in that upcoming moment, to just enjoy the time with the boys, to live with them in their moment, to just have fun and not allow the stress of church get the best of me. I remembered when I first became friends with Jesus, the very first thing I thought of every morning when my feet hit the ground was "I'm a Christian!" Now, I don't know when that thought pops in, some time after "blah, blah, blah San Damiano" and "what the hell should I do to provide for my family". I truly love my life, my family and my church... really, I couldn't be happier or prouder or more fulfilled. I just need to get back to that place of wide-eyed wonder. That "live in this moment" or more appropriately for the next few days, "enjoy their moment" place. So tonight, I just wanted to look a little forward, not too far, just a few days ahead. I'll be at my favorite place in the world, the beautiful shores of Teal Lake with a few of my kids (Tate is going with us, too) a few of Luke's little buds. I'll get to tell one of my stories to them when they hit the hay. I'll get to watch as a few of them catch one of the biggest fish... ever. You know, fish stories need to start somewhere! I'll also be grateful. More grateful than I have been lately for my wife, my kids, my mom and dad. I'll be more mindful of the great journey that the Lord has brought me through in regard to fellowship with my other saint-friends, past, present and who He'll lead me to in the future. I have had so much, I have so much. I look forward to what's next. Backwards and forward.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Just Trying It... No Commitment Made Yet
I have been quite fascinating by this new wide world of blogging. I've never actually thought about my life being interesting enough to be worthy of blogdom. Then I began to realize how much I have enjoyed being a part of my friends lives by reading their blogs. My favorite one is from my friend (and unofficial mentor), John McFadden. John is a very gifted writer. He effortlessly weaves daily stories with a ridiculous sense of humor and always finds a way to communicate his passion for the ministry God has given him. So this first crack at blogging is dedicated to him. I can only hope that my little missives here might inspire and encourage someone like Reverend McFadden has done for me. Thanks for checking in.
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